I am so very sickie.  It so very sucks.

My new friend had off yesterday and today, and I have been too sick to see him on either of these days.  We talked on the phone for a long time last night, though.  I felt a lot better when I was talking to him. 

Last weekend, though, was awesome.  So awesome.  I got to see him in his element and it totally rocked.  And we started watching Battlestar Galactica because he's never seen it.  And we started watching The IT Crowd because I've never seen that.  And we watched the Kids in the Hall episode where they are dressed up as bunnies because he knows that men dressed as bunnies get me all hot and bothered.  He's even said he'll don a bunny suit for me.  See how awesome he is?  Oh, and we watched an episode of Portlandia, which I've never seen either, in which BSG is shown to have addictive properties.  It was awesome because Gaius Baltar was in it.  Just.  So.  Much.  Awesome.

We were curled up on his couch the entire time.

This later led to wondrous happenings.

I think him being classically-trained on the violin has imbued his hands with magical properties as he is highly skilled.

Oh, and he has a beard, which is totally hot.

And he's just super great.

And he's good to me.

He's so good to me.  

Things are going great.  They really are.  This is a big change for me.  Things are just really easy with my new friend.  And he's just so full of awesome.  It's hot.  He's tall.  He's smart.  He's a GREAT communicator.  He's supportive.  He's compassionate.  He's a great kitty daddy.  I could go on and on, so I'll just stop there, and once again say that things are going great. 

The night we went to the vegetarian restaurant, I got to meet his cat afterward.  She is an extremely happy girl.  She purrs non-stop.  He treats her so well.  She even has a throne. 

We also went out on Saturday.  We went to another veggie-ish place.  But, after that we went to an Irish bar.  Then we went to his place and he watched Svengoolie for the first time.  Both he and his cat loved Svengoolie. 

I'm seeing him again on Friday.  And Sunday he has a music gig, so I'll get to see him perform.  He plays the violin. 

As for school and work, things are back to normal.  I missed work and work missed me, so it's good to be back.  I have one class today.  We have a speech coming up with the assigned topic of how to handle stress. 

I think this topic is quite hilarious being that I have never handled stress well. 

I suppose I can tell everybody what not to do. 

Or, perhaps, make it into a comedic routine of sorts. 

No one should take stress handling advice from me.

And apparently my new insurance won't cover my new therapist, so there goes the one thing I thought might help me in that department.  Oh well. 

I have to say, though, that thinking about the new guy really helps me calm down.  Yeah, things are just so easy with him.  They are how like they should be.  I think the way he handled my weird social anxiety thing when I wanted to cancel our second date was beyond anything I could have expected.  He's just a really great guy.

And the whole dirty thing that I was trying to figure out with him...  I'm more than dirty enough for the both of us.  Dirty isn't his thing.  Sensual is his thing.  I've never met a more sensual man in my entire life.

And dirty and sensual go together like peanut butter and chocolate.

It's fan-fucking-tastic. 

He called me last night.  He's going through some things himself, and he chose to call me to talk about them with.  We talked for a really long time.  And it was really great.  I really like him.  I just really like him.

And I talked to my boss at work.  I get to take the rest of the week off to collect myself and deal with my feelings away from everyone at work gossiping and what have you.  Being that I only work on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays, I get more than enough time to do this.  I'm really happy because I do like tutoring.  And I know I have students whom I would have let down had I left there, and that would not have been cool at all.  I'm lucky I work somewhere that is really cool with people being individuals.  I really am.

The new guy and I are going to this awesome, predominately vegetarian, restaurant.  Even though I have recently, as of the first of the year, stopped being all hardcore mostly vegan, I'm still eating a lot of vegan and veggie food.  So, I'm really excited he picked this restaurant.  I picked everywhere we went on our first date, and he came to my neighborhood, so I wanted to go by him this time.  I used to eat at this restaurant all the time when I lived up north.  I haven't been there in a really long time and they have a new manager, so I'm excited to see the changes.  I've looked on the menu and they still have the tahini salad dressing that I used to love, so I may have to get a side salad or something with that on it because it's super yummy stuff.   

Other than that, it's Valentine's day, and I wish anyone reading this a super awesome one.  I do, I do.

So, things are fine.  I'm seeing him on Sunday, and we are both very excited.  I definitely read way too much into things, and I haven't changed in that I still freak out about absolutely everything.

Things are mostly fine because he is extraordinarily easy to talk to.  About everything.  I even told him about my thoughts about the video he posted.  He said that he definitely was not thinking that I was cold and distant.  That made me feel much better.  He said that when I cancelled on him he just laid on his bed in a daze for hours.  He said that he was really looking forward to seeing me.  He was just awesome about everything.  I pretty much told him all the same things that I wrote here, and it didn't make him go away at all.  He's just all, that is entirely normal to have those feelings.

He's really, really great. 

He told me some things that he was feeling, too.  I think that we communicate really well, so far.

He's said that I'm the most intense person he's ever went on a date with.

I'm taking that as a compliment.


In other news, a friend of mine died.  I'm not doin' too well regarding this news.  I just found out on Monday.  It happened on Saturday.  He was someone that I worked with.  I'm not sure that I can work there anymore.  I at least need some time off.  I'm going to go and ask about it tomorrow.  If not, I don't care. 


Maybe I'll go find a job where I can just play with cats all day.  That sounds like heaven to me.  And I think it will help me relax.

Though, I know me too well, and despite relaxing and playing with cats, I'll always be one to freak out way too much about everything.

C'est la vie.


I started seeing a new therapist yesterday.  She is maybe one year younger than me.  And she is pretty awesome.  I think I was able to talk to her about more things in one hour than I was able to talk to any other therapist I've ever seen in the entire amount of time that I was seeing them.  I knew I'd find one eventually that I was able to talk to.  I like her lots.  She's really cool.


Lumpkin is doing great.  She likes to sleep on her new pet bed that I got her with polka dots all over it.  She has tons of stuffed animals.  They are her Boopie Club.

The new guy has a cat.

The new therapist has two.      

I'm not doin' so good.  I don't know why.  I never know why.

I should be doing great.  I've started a new semester at school.  I'm still tutoring.  I was even supposed to go out on a second date tonight with a guy I really like.  Then I cancelled.  I'm feeling nauseous.  I'm feeling nauseous because I like him.  And I'm feeling like if he keeps getting to know me, he won't like me very much.  And that makes me nauseous to the point where I can't see him.  So, I guess if I'm going to feel nauseous from nerves having to muster up the courage to see him again, I'm not sure how it's going to work.  That is if he even still wants to talk to me because I sent him a bunch of texts and haven't heard back.  I'm sure he hates me.  You'd think I'd stop feeling nauseous thinking that I probably won't have to see him again.  But, now I just hate myself, too, and that makes me even more nauseous to know that I made this super nice guy hate me.

I'm not even sure he liked me very much anyway.  I'm the one who kept asking him questions about himself and I'd ask him if he had questions for me and he never did.  And if I didn't ask him questions there would be lots of awkward silences.  And when I asked him if he considered himself to be dirty he said that sexuality wasn't dirty.  He is from Utah.  But, I liked that.  I thought that maybe I could make him see that the two go hand in hand.  He's not religious or anything.  He's an atheist.  I am too these days.  It's been awhile since I've spoken of my religious viewpoints here.  It's been awhile since I've spoken of anything on here.

He's from the online dating site.  He was bachelor number 9.

He posted a video on Facebook the other day of The Zombies singing "She's Not There" and it was right after our first phone conversation.  So, since then I've been feeling like he doesn't really care.  So, since then I've been feeling like I can't put a lot into this because he's not caring about it anyway.  And when I get involved in something I put way too much into it and it sort of eats away at me.

Hence, the not doin' so good part.

But, I guess I do know why.

This day anything goes

Pumpkin faces in the night 

Bottoms up!

Is your refrigerator running?

Well, my refrigerator started leaking last night.  That's no good.  

Anyhow, I had to not do Chinatown today, so that I could monitor the situation.  I've played around with the controls, and it seems to have worked. But, if it starts up again, I'm going to have to call my landlord and schedule a time when the maintenance guy can come to look at it.  I'm not happy about this.  But, shit happens.  Fuck that shit.

Anyhow, tonight I'm either going to watch a scary movie, or I'm going to read Travesties by Tom Stoppard for lit.  I'll decide later. 

Other than that I'm meeting muscle guy at 7 tomorrow for more chess learning.  

And, I'm meeting the guy who doesn't make me laugh at 8 on Tuesday, but I'm not sure what we're doing.  He's very childish even though he has a hugeass fucking vocabulary.  Like, if I say something cool, he'll say, "Wowie."  There is nothing wrong with that, but I'm finding it doesn't do much for me.  I'm wondering if this is just something that has resulted from him being a family therapist and working with putting children at ease.  He also says stuff like my eyes look like moon-in-Scorpio eyes.  This really isn't doing it for me either.

And, Wednesday I'm either going to see the school play or hang with my mom or do something Halloween-y or stay home and do my lit homework.  Because she never tells us what the homework is until the day of class, meaning that I won't find out until Tuesday and since I have a date on Tuesday, Wednesday may be the only time I have to do it.  Ugh.

Someone I know found me on the dating site I use.  Ha.  He's coolass, though.  He's a friend of mine that owns a comic book store.  Not my type though, despite that.  If he were Stuart from Big Bang, totally.  Stewart?  I dunno.  

I have to cook some dinner, but I'm not sure what direction I'm heading in there.  I do have a nice bottle of a red blend I bought called "Dead Bolt" that is all Halloween-y and should go well with a scary movie.  

So, I guess that's what I'm doing tonight.

Bottoms up!